I hate being up late, I hate it because I always over think!! It makes me happy, then sad! I don't know, confusing right? I look at my life.. From 2004 - 2012.. So much has changed!! From the way I act, the way I matured and the way my mind is set on things. It's also sad.. because I've been trying and keeping myself busy for so long that I don't think about the people around me. Moments like this.. I start to compare if I'm really happy or I question myself what else is there out there for me? I just wish things are much easier. *sigh* There is so much in my head.. Only thing that pre occupying me is work. The MAIN! reason why I keep myself SANE. Because I don't have to have moments like this where i over think everything.
I went on my old Social Networking Sites from way back then, and I asked myself? damn.. what happened to me? Where are all the "friends" that I used to have.. Used to talk to all the time.. Used to bond with. It's just alot has changed. Maybe this is what "growing up" is supposed to be. Not everyone is going to be the same page as you. Not everyone can make time for you. Or not everyone will get along as they used too. I admit.. I miss most of them! I miss the friendships I made with the people I shared laughter, fun, and just happiness with! It sucks that time, miscommunication, stupid arguments, stupid fights ends .. well not ends but put a strain in a friendship. Maybe one day things will go back to normal.. But I wish things will do soon!
Family.. No matter what they will be there for me and I will be there for them! But there's still a lot of things that I want to learn and find out. It hurts me A LOT when I think of the truth.. I know i'm a part of it.. But it still hurts to not find out the whole truth. And to have the feeling that your still not blood related. And there's still that question in my head who's who and what happened? Honestly, I cry.. a lot specially around this time.. because it hurts to not know the truth.. But Maybe it's better this way. So I just don't have to find out what really happened in the past right?
You know.. what people don't know about me is I love to keep myself busy and keep working hard because even though i'm not blood related I want my family to be proud of me. I want them to say I'm PROUD OF YOU! All in my own way. Without anyone's help.. Because my own success is the only thing that keeps me going in life.
Why I'm writing this? Because.. I don't know? I need to vent.. I'm tired of keeping things in.. I don't want to intrude anyone's lives by telling them my problems.. So i rather vent it out to you. I don't really care who will read this anymore.. Because this is how I feel.. I'm a human being.. Not perfect and things will never go right in a persons life. We all try to live a life where we want to be comfortable... But in all honesty.. There's no money, materials, richness can make up to real friends and family. To real joy. And this is what I truly feel inside.
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